Disturbing Disturbances
by cg2006
Summary: [kakairu] AU Iruka Umino is a therapist who tries to get through his sessions as peacefully and pleasant as possible, but the inhabitant of the Storage Room Turned Comfy Den makes it not so simple... Lime, implied lemon in chapter two.
1. Chapter 1

Disturbing Disturbances

Note that is at the top of the notebook paper: My Mind Has Been Corrupted. :)

7/30: re-edited.

oOo

Iruka Umino sat down heavily with a sigh and set his papers on the table. In front of his desk sat his client, who watched Iruka sympathetically.

"Rough times?"

"You have no idea," Iruka replied wearily. _No idea..._

"Ah..."

"Hm," Iruka sighed again. "Well, we're here to talk about your problems, not mine. Now, um, where's my pen?"

Iruka shuffled some of the other papers on his desk.

"Um, Mr. Umino?"

He knocked over a container of paperclips, but still couldn't find his missing pen. His client coughed a bit, drawing Iruka's attention to him, and pointed in the general direction above his ear.

"Wha-oh!" Iruka took the pen out fron behind his ear and sat down again, slightly embarrassed, but not as much as his client was. She was staring at his papers, with a blush across her face. He followed her gaze and performed the Instant Tomato Soup Reaction (c. copygeijutsuka), in which he turned red as fast as instant tomato soup.

Mr. Umino glared at the papers with the intensity of a laser, in which they might have spontaneously combusted, but they didn't. Then he glared at the door, which led to the storage room Iruka had converted into a little den.

"Excuse me," he said in a restrained voice to his client, who gulped. Iruka stomped to the door, wrenched it open (so that it might have come flying off of its hinges, but didn't), and slammed it closed once he was in. He opened his mouth wide, prepared to yell.

"KAKASHI HATAKE!!!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. A mop of silver hair showing over the top of the couch slowly turned around, revealing the face of a man who wore a cloth mask over his nose and mouth.

"Yo, Iruka!" he said cheerfully, despite the deadly waves of fury the therapist was emitting. Iruka turned off the TV and stomped right up to Kakashi.

"Why. Did. You. Do. That?" Iruka snarled in his face.

"Do what?" the person being questioned asked innocently.

Iruka narrowed his brown eyes, which seemed almost black now. "You know what," he said through clenched teeth.

"'Fraid not. Care to refresh my memory?"

Iruka growled. "YOU DREW PORNOGRAPHIC STICK FIGURES ON MY PAPERS, THAT'S WHAT YOU DID!!!"

"Ohh, that..." Kakashi chuckled.

"YOU BASTARD!!!"

Kakashi pecked Iruka on the lips through the mask. "Love you, too."

"Rrgh..." Iruka ground his teeth, but the other man held his jaw firmly.

"You don't want to do that, Iruka. It's bad for your teeth, don't you know that?" Kakashi reached for a Styrofoam cup that was sitting on the little round table in front of the couch. "Coffee?"

Iruka's glare intensified, but it seemed Kakashi had developed an immunity to it. He teasingly waved the cup around under Iruka's nose, attempting to lure Iruka with the scent. He gave in with a sigh ,and Kakashi inwardly cheered as he earned another point for success. The first was for bringing Iruka in the room.

While Iruka sat on the couch sipping the comfortingly hot coffee, Kakashi hopped up from his place and stood behind the couch instead, behind the puzzled Iruka, and began to massage his shoulders. (a/n: he was a masseuse in his past life. :3)

"Y'know, 'Ruka," he drawled as he kneaded the firm muscles under his hands, "I can tell being a therapist is tough on you. Listening to people's problems and telling them how to cope just spells out exhaustion for you. I think it's time you realized something: you're the one with problems."

Iruka started to turn around to object, but Kakashi pushed him back to face the front. Then he leaned over the couch enough to see Iruka's face as he spoke.

"You need to relax more, and be more laid back. But I think you need a little help learning how to relax. And I can help."

"Does that mean a trip to the hot springs then, all expenses paid by you?"

"Uh...no. Actually," Kakashi spread his arms in a spectacular sort of grandeur manner, "you get a free therapy session with me!"

Iruka raised his eyebrows. Kakashi grinned.

"In which, of course, I will be the therapist." (a/n: no, kakashi-san, you will probably be "the-rapist." Just kidding!)

Iruka closed his eyes in an "oh, dear gods and goddesses, save me, please, from this horror" sort of manner. He drank the rest of his coffee and stood up. "Okay, fine, let's have a deal," he said. He was good at compromising. It was a handy talent, as he used to be an elementary school teacher years before. "I will participate in your..."therapy session," if you promise not to disrupt this session again."

"Deal," Kakashi said happily, and watched Mr. Umino toss the cup in the trash can and exit.

oO **The Next Session** Oo

Iruka's client this time was a little girl who was diagnosed with OCD and was currently rearranging the contents of Iruka's desk. That was quite fine by Iruka, for now, since he had already checked them for anything not suitable to a child's eyes and mind. Plus, he was thinking about cleaning his desk. He just hoped he'd be able to find everything later. All was going well, until--

"_I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,Get you love drunk off my hump.My hump, my hump, my hump_--" (lyrics belong to the Black Eyed Peas. never even heard the whole song before, but reading the lyrics is enough.)

Iruka hastily took hold of the girl's small hands to cover her own ears and then dashed to the spare room.

"KAKASHI!!!!"

The music turned off.

"What the heck do you think you're doing, blaring music like that?!!" Iruka had an urge to grab the inhabitant of the storage room by the ear and just drag him around like that till some sanity entered the mind. "I have a _little girl _here right now!"

"Oh, come on, Iruka! It's not that inappropriate!" (a/n: right...)

"I don't CARE! I do not think her parents would approve of her hearing such inappropriately themed songs!"

"Well, I'm sorry I don't have a CD with 'Puff the Magic Dragon' on it."

"Kakashi..."

"I don't believe I have the Barney theme song either. Sorry."

"Well, I do believe I told you to stop interrupting my sessions!"

"I do believe you told me that _last_ session, yet nothing was said about _this_ session," Kakashi retorted. "And by the way, you haven't enrolled for your _own_ session with me. I did my promise and didn't interrupt last time."

Iruka grumbled to himself and then said grimly, "Alright, I'll do that damn session, but only if you promise not to interrupt anymore, at ALL."

Kakashi broke into a big grin and hugged Iruka. "It takes place here, right after you're done with the little girl. You gotta prepare for it by being happy and cheerful, though!"

Iruka rolled his eyes. "Happy happy, joy joy..." (a/n: my...motto...thingy...)

"Stop acting so dreadful!" He nuzzled Iruka's neck and whispered, "You're going to love it..."

Iruka rolled his eyes and broke out of Kakashi's grasp and headed for the door.

"No more interruptions," he reminded, and left. Kakashi smirked and got ready for Iruka's first therapy session.

oO** Small Thing Too Tiny For A Proper Epilogue Really** Oo

After the first session, Iruka kept perfect attendence and there were no more disturbing disturbances again. The End.

P.S. Kakashi thinks his therapy sessions prove useful and he was thinking of teaching it to Naruto to try on Sasuke.

Reviews are nice. Yes... Birdy is still sleeping... Yes, I'm babysitting a little bird. Mom picked it up on her walk yesterday cuz she found it on the sidewalk and it was kind of raining so... i guess we adopted it. lol.

edit: birdy died that day. I think.. yeah. Birdy is dead. Sigh... Does that affect my karma? Because I'm not really sure if I killed it, or if it suddenly somehow died of "natural" causes. O.o"


	2. Chapter 2

Iruka listened to the OCD girl as she talked, but he didn't fully digest all of it. He nodded when necessary and asked small questions while she put all his pencils neatly in order from biggest to smallest. When the clock finally rang to tell them the hour was up, her mom peeked in the door to collect her. She entered and took her daughter by the hand, ready to leave. The little girl waved goodbye to Iruka, who smiled and waved back. The woman thanked him and he followed them out to the door. He watched them walk down the empty halls together and closed the door when they were out of sight. With a sigh, Iruka fell against the door heavily,

Iruka reluctantly entered the room and shut the door behind him. Kakashi remained still, stretched out on the couch. The brunette walked across the room and sat in the small space that Kakashi wasn't occupying.

"Make it quick, I have another client coming in twenty minutes." he grumbled, eyes focused on the television rather than the now-grinning other man.

"Twenty minutes, eh?" He sat up and reached over, wrapping his arms around Iruka and pulling him onto his lap. "I can make that work," he breathed into the therapist's ear as he began to massage his shoulders and neck.

_I should probably be worried..._ Iruka thought as Kakashi's hands moved down his back. The hands stopped massaging and reached around to unbutton Iruka's long sleeved, button up, white shirt. Iruka was about to say something, but Kakashi reminded him that massaging worked better without a shirt to get in the way, and Iruka let him remove his shirt.

"So, Mr. Umino, now that you are starting to feel more relaxed, is there anything you wish to talk about?"

"Yeah. Well, you see- I'm in love with this guy."

"Mm?"

"This guy who is a hopeless, flirty couch potato who entertains himself by interfering with my work and making my customers think I'm a raving lunatic."

"Ah, I see. And how does that make you feeel?" Kakashi said in a creamy voice.

Iruka rolled his eyes. _Why does everyone think that all we say is 'how does that make you feeeeeeeel'? _"It makes me feeel," the brunette drew out the word, playing along, "like maybe I need to give up and go boyfriend hunting in a bar somewhere."

Kakashi purred into Iruka's ear as continued to rub his back, "Well, what could that man you're in love with do to make you feel less like you need to...how did you put it...'go boyfriend hunting in a bar'?"

"Well, he could stop interrupting my job for one."

"Is there anything else?" Iruka felt warm, steady breathing on his neck.

"He could stop leaving inappropriate pictures he calls 'notes' on my desk..."

Kakashi's breathing got closer, and Iruka felt the soft fabric of the mask brush his neck. "Is there anything that man you're in love with could do to make you happier that doesn't involve work?" he hinted as he pulled down his mask and lightly kissed the nape of his 'client's' neck.

"Well, he could stop watching so much TV and emptying my mini-fridge's contents into his stomach every day..." Iruka's voice trailed as Kakashi started sucking on his neck, his hands finding their way to the edge of Iruka's pants.

"He sounds like a real jackass, but there must be a good reason that you love him, right?" Kakashi leaned to the side, letting Iruka slip off his lap and land on the couch, lying on his back. He then proceeded to climb on top of the brunette, who's face was slowly becoming pink. Iruka struggled for words while Kakashi resumed teasing the flesh of his neck.

"Yeah...well...he's a good...masseuse...and..." Iruka stopped talking when he found Kakashi's face hovering just inches from his own.

"And he loves you too, I'm sure." Kakashi lowered his face, allowing their lips to meet. He brushed his tongue against Iruka's lips, and they parted, allowing him to slip his tongue in and explore his lover's mouth. Iruka moaned quietly and lifted his arms to wrap them around Kakashi's back. The silver haired man reached down and tugged playfully on the edge of Iruka's pants.

"Kakashi, I have a client coming!"

"Well, he'll just have to wait, now, won't he?"

oO **In Iruka's office...**Oo

A tall man shifted uncomfortably, trying to ignore the yelling from the backroom. His session was supposed to begin five minutes ago, and instead he had five minutes of listening to what sounded like his therapist yelling at somebody about how he had a client waiting.

_At least he knows I'm waiting, _the man thought. He stared up at the clock. A minute of silence went by and then he heard a loud moan. _M-maybe I should just leave..._

He rushed out of the room, making sure to tell the receptionist outside that Iruka was busy and shouldn't be bothered by another client for some time...

* * *

Yay, I have a second chapter!! Although, this couldn't have been possible without a helpful someone. :D Thanks so much!!! I'm sure you enjoyed writing it as much as I enjoyed reading and editing it. xD I only edited the conversations mostly. The lustful parts I left alone, so I wouldn't butcher it and make it really OMGTHATSUCKS horrible or something. x.x

This totally helpful person would like to go by: Ai, Sono Shirarete inai Chosha no Hiun. It's pretty much all written by her.

whatever that means... .


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